Friday, 29 March 2013

frenemies, diet coke and mind reading

A little story of pregnancy hormones.

I’ve been getting pretty close with them over the past couple of months, we’ve been spending more and more time together lately, maybe a bit too much in fact. You know when you get to know a new friend and you’re in that honeymoon stage and you want to be together all the time and everything is so great about them you tell all your other friends how amazing this new buddy of yours is. Then slowly you realize they have no other friends, and those hilarious stories they told you, they tell everyone, and you’re so frakken sick of hearing the same story over and over and eventually you realize you are not meant to be friends at all and then you start calling them a complete nutter behind their back. But enough about my friends, back to the pregnancy hormones…kidding! So me and preggo hormones were besties in the first trimester! We dodged this bullet I thought as we frolicked around talking baby names and giggling over the future.

The second trimester hit and everything changed. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so invited to the party anymore. Here’s an example of how me and the pregnancy hormones go from buddy buddies to “we are on a break!!!” in two seconds.

Venessa is in the bath as she often is these days and I go to bring her a glass of cold water in there, as I often do cause she likes it and I’m nice. I let the water run for a long time to make it extra, extra cold so she’ll be really happy. I walk up to the bathroom door and it’s locked. I take a pair of tweezers and open the door from the outside (feel like a suave burglar for a few seconds) and walk in to see she’s crying in the bathtub. I quickly go over the past 8 hours in my brain and scan for any possible rudeness or downright meanness that could have caused someone to cry. I set the coffee for her in the morning, packed her lunch (with homemade bran muffins I might add which she later told me she “just couldn’t bring herself to eat..” as if it was kale pudding or something) and lentil soup that I made the night before, I went to work for eight hours, went and picked up some wood glue she needed, got a bottle of wine for the weekend (had to show ID, win!) checked on our friends’ cats on my way home, got home and made stuffed mushrooms for us for dinner, prepared some natural dyes for easter eggs, went to our neighbours to glue a countertop together, came home and let the tap run for a long time for a cold glass of water for Venessa. No, I couldn’t find anything in that day that could have upset her. Was is the mushrooms, not enough garlic perhaps? It’s impossible to say!

But it doesn’t matter, the pregnancy hormones will find something small and make it the hugest deal there ever was ever in the universe so help me god! Where I screwed up, what I should have done was buy diet coke. The reason for the locked door and the tears streaming down her face…I didn’t buy diet coke. I did not know she wanted coke, infact for the past week she’s been telling me not to get any because it’s a bad habit to get into. It doesn’t matter, I should have read between the lines, or maybe I should have read her mind or transported myself to the future to know that the pregnancy hormones really wanted some diet coke! I offered to go to town to get some but it was too late she said, the damage was done. This action showed a lack of caring for her needs and maybe I’ve never really loved her!! If only I would have known through universal osmosis that she wanted diet coke.

I’ve never quite understood the meaning of frenemies until the second trimester hit, and now I do.
Meanwhile my google search history is filled with questions like...”how to cope with pregnancy hormones” and “when does it end?”, “how to read minds” and “can I get endorsed for writing diet coke 50 times in my blog?”