Friday, 29 April 2016


Since starting our family journey with all that entails, I’ve always been so envious of the “surprise” pregnancy. Imagine just taking a test one day, and realizing that you’re pregnant. No long trips, no horrible hormones, no crazy fertility expenses...just a line on a test. We will never have that I thought, it always was a struggle, an uphill battle with many letdowns and that horrible feeling of being totally out of control of something so important.

Well I can now say that we had our surprise pregnancy. Our holy shit moment. I’m still having that moment in fact.

Trying to make sense of life right now is impossible. I feel as though I’m in free falling, one minute happy and excited and the next terrified and in denial, followed by guilt for not being happier, followed by sadness for how little time we will have for Minea, then I’ll have a mental image of two squishy babies with matching moccasins and milk-stained tiny shirts and feel so grateful, then I’ll freak out about how expensive it’s going to be to have a family of 5, then I’ll have such intense worry for the delivery, possible C-section and will they be premature? Will we have to go to Vancouver and stay in NICU for weeks? Will Venessa be ok carrying twins? Will she be able to work and pay for the buss we will need to haul our family around? Will anyone invite us over ever again? I will ride that anxiety wave for awhile until I realize, it’s just twins...people have twins all the time right? It’s cool, we can do this...challenge accepted! Christmases are going to be so fun! Bunk beds are not that bad are they? We have such a great network of family and friends that will help as much as they can, we will be fine...there’s always coffee...and naps...and cheese...then I remember how tired I am now...with an almost 3 year old, who still wakes me up about 3 times every night...who we now have to train to fall asleep by herself and somehow wean out of co-sleeping half the night (even though I love it) I am going to be so tired! This is how my mind is going in circles, over and over and over repeat until infinity. Being in shock is so much fun!

Holy mothballs batman! I guess we are doing this!

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

New waters, ants nests and tiny wonders.

I’ve been a bit quiet in this space as we are navigating some new waters around here. I’ve been working more, spending more time outside as the snow finally, but somehow all of a sudden, decided it was time to make room for new things. Spring is always such a weird time for me, where winter is  a warm blanket of darkness and short days, soups and milky teas in the morning, spring comes with expectation and force. The past few days surprised with a warmth usually saved for mid-summer days and as if almost in shock the tree buds suddenly exploded and brand new leafs are basking in the early spring rays.

Our little one has taken on an interest for exploring bugs and worms and those first, huge mosquitoes. Lifting rocks and finding the first ants nests, I pull my hands away quickly while she gets closer and asks a thousand questions. An earthworm spurs a conversation about family, a maggot sleeping under a pile of old firewood suddenly has a story and a name. I do love seeing the world like this, tiny wonders and eyes wide open to every part of life.

We hid under the blankets today waiting for mommy to come home from work, we do this quite often, hush and shhhushhh and squeal and giggle when we hear footsteps down the hall. My sweet girl, always jumping, twirling, dancing, singing in the back of the car. Refusing to wear anything but dresses and gumboots, that is if she’s wearing anything at all.