Since starting our family journey with all that entails, I’ve always been so envious of the “surprise” pregnancy. Imagine just taking a test one day, and realizing that you’re pregnant. No long trips, no horrible hormones, no crazy fertility expenses...just a line on a test. We will never have that I thought, it always was a struggle, an uphill battle with many letdowns and that horrible feeling of being totally out of control of something so important.
Well I can now say that we had our surprise pregnancy. Our holy shit moment. I’m still having that moment in fact.
Trying to make sense of life right now is impossible. I feel as though I’m in free falling, one minute happy and excited and the next terrified and in denial, followed by guilt for not being happier, followed by sadness for how little time we will have for Minea, then I’ll have a mental image of two squishy babies with matching moccasins and milk-stained tiny shirts and feel so grateful, then I’ll freak out about how expensive it’s going to be to have a family of 5, then I’ll have such intense worry for the delivery, possible C-section and will they be premature? Will we have to go to Vancouver and stay in NICU for weeks? Will Venessa be ok carrying twins? Will she be able to work and pay for the buss we will need to haul our family around? Will anyone invite us over ever again? I will ride that anxiety wave for awhile until I realize, it’s just twins...people have twins all the time right? It’s cool, we can do this...challenge accepted! Christmases are going to be so fun! Bunk beds are not that bad are they? We have such a great network of family and friends that will help as much as they can, we will be fine...there’s always coffee...and naps...and cheese...then I remember how tired I am now...with an almost 3 year old, who still wakes me up about 3 times every night...who we now have to train to fall asleep by herself and somehow wean out of co-sleeping half the night (even though I love it) I am going to be so tired! This is how my mind is going in circles, over and over and over repeat until infinity. Being in shock is so much fun!
Holy mothballs batman! I guess we are doing this!