Wouldn’t you think there are some sort of universal odds
that this is our time? I don’t even know how I’m going to react if I get a
positive test. I’m not sure who I am anymore without getting pregnant being my main focus. I’m going to have to redefine
my whole existence, my (almost) every waking thought. There are not many good
things I will take away from this but I can now say that I understand loss, I
understand patience… that real, deep gut wrenching patience that no one ever
tells you about. I have had a brief affair with depression and I know her
darkness. I have a sort of compassion towards feeling completely helpless and
having to surrender to whatever it is you believe in. Those are the things I
will take away, in addition to a huge debt ha!
Our trip went good and besides getting lost a few times, having
a frozen water bottle explode in my face and having to put up with one very hung
over passenger/wife everything went as planned. It was so good to see friends
and our niece and get away for a little while in our little VW bubble. We listened
to Tina Fey’s Bossypants as an audio CD and it made us laugh out loud and 5
hours go by like nothing. We had an
amazing dinner, ate oysters, swordfish, steelhead trout and octopus all in the
same meal!
It rained all the way to Edmonton and snowy cars met us
going up through the mountain passes warning us to slow down and thank the gods
we left the winter tires on. But on the way home, the clouds made way for a spectacular
Rocky Mountain display with peaks so white we had to squint our eyes.
Now it’s back to waiting, and channeling that patience I was
talking about.
