Can't wait for this

Not so easy to be sad when you get showered with the kindest supportive words and chocolates and flowers and get to spend a whole night playing ping pong and laughing until you can’t breathe and the sun is shining and the air is crisp and perfect for homemade bread and soup and sometimes the dark places seem to fade a little easier in all the light surrounding us. 

The boys

Today was the day

I woke up at the ungodly but all too familiar 4 am. Eyes wide open, today is test day. The day for which all other days are mere preparation. The two week wait is over and I finally get to pee on a stick. Or pee in a sour cream container and dip a stick in it, as it were. I wanted to wait until Venessa had to get up at 6 so we could both share the moment, whatever it may be. However I actually really had to pee and I wasn't going to waste it on not testing so instead I waited, reached for my iPhone, that killed 15 minutes. Thought about my plan of attack. How was I going to tell her? Come out of the bathroom with my face in my hands, tears is my eyes and have that moment of her not knowing whether it was good news or bad. Having the secret to myself for a few moments before letting her know. Would I fall to the floor in dramatic disbelief? Should I run out, stick in hand, and jump on her on the bed screaming like a banshee. The possibilities were endless! I imagined the two lines in my head so many times this morning. I manifested the crap outta that positive test! I was almost surprised when there was only one line. “Funny how the day just goes on like normal” Venessa said after I cried until my pillow was soaked. That pretty much sums it up, you just get out of bed, put some concealer under those swollen, red eyes and go about your day. I know it was foolish of me to think this would happen on the first try at home but I just had this feeling that maybe, just maybe it was our turn.

Until next month progesterone, you sobbing, brain foggy, will eat a whole bag of kettle corn in an episode of Modern Family, hot flashing little tart. Your presence will not be missed!

If this isn't reason to take better care of the earth and each other I don't know what is. We have this.

There's nothing better than slow Sunday mornings, turning the heat up way too high, staying in bed with the dogs and the computer and a wife that brings coffee in bed in your favorite cup. Finally getting up without looking at the time and realizing you have all the ingredients to make scones and then finding a jar of the best jam in the back of the fridge. 

 Starting a day like that and ending it with a massive cup of hot chocolate, getting all the blankets from the bedroom and cuddling on the couch watching too many episodes of Mad men.

Going to Venessa's parents and drinking copious amounts of green tea with coconut oil and freshly baked cookies.

Having a quiet moment in the basement to myself, finally feeling warm after being cold for days and days. Watching the sparks fly out on the concrete floor and a small dog curled up on your lap.

Finding beauty where no one else would notice.

Strength and solidity when your insides are weak and chaotic.

So much to be grateful for.

Houses I want to live in